I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
