I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Come on in and take your pants off
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