meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
