Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
