READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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