guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
