when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
