How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
