Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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