i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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