cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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