i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
