you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
