So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
