you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
