i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
