I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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