I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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