Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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