Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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