Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
