GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
