omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
