Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
