She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
