I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
