youre lurking in front of me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
