peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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