How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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