I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
