Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
