News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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