Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What a dumb baby whore.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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