So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
