Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
