I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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