I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
