I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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