I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
