Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
