Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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