After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
