how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
