someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
After last night, I could never be a politician.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
