My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
