You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
