Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
