Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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