If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
