I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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