His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
