do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We left an ass print on the piano.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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