I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
