well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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