he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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