Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
