If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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